The Jewel of Motherhood

It takes millions of years for a diamond to form. Thousands of years for many other gemstones. 

It takes a lifetime to become and live motherhood. 

Generations of women that existed in my ancestry that I've never met and can't possibly ever know- many who have been lost to history; have shaped what motherhood is to me, to my mother, to my grandmother. 

And as I consider my path of motherhood, it's like a faceted gem and turning in the sunlight. Every side of it a different version of me, every child a different perspective of motherhood, the women in my lineage are there too. The ideas of what motherhood should be is there- shaped by my culture and ideals, as well as it's caveats and failures. When the light hits the stone just right, rainbows fill the room, the light exploding through the prism and a sense of magic buzzing. In the dark, the stone is nothing more than a cold and unremarkable rock. 

When I think of motherhood, I see it as though I turn the stone, every angle a different facet that I've experienced.

I have been the pregnant teen mother, the married mother, the divorced mother, the doting stay-at-home mother, the despondent and stressed single mother, a bereaved mother, a kind gentle baby rocking mother, a mother who put their young kids into their rooms for fear that she may hurt them if not. I have been the dinner making baking mom, and the strict sargeant chore enforcer. The mother who's chicks have flown the coop to search for brighter skies, the mother with regret and mother with grace. 

Having children for me has spanned 25 years. But motherhood is more than that short window of time. It is every woman who shaped my story, every moment as a young girl that I rocked a baby doll and pretended to be a mother, every example of motherhood I witnessed- either in person or media portrayal. Motherhood is declaring with an iron will that you will do things differently than your mother and then in the midst of dirty diapers or chastising a rebellious teen, that iron strikes you with the awareness "I am like my mother." 

We do our best. We truly do. Navigating the self healing that every one of us comes out of childhood and living with- the pressure, heat, or persistence of existence like the jewel is formed, or pearl is lacquered.

Most of us "mother" while trying to find our way as a human- let alone being a mother. We try to do things better and many of us break chains of our ancestors as we do- but never them all. 

Motherhood is like the jewel.

Formed for eons and revealed in in moment. Cut and shaped and polished. In many ways held under scrutiny of others who judge our flaws through the magnifying glass- often the harshest judge is ourselves. Every gemstone is individual and irreplaceable, unique and one-of-a-kind. Different strengths, luster, luminosity and color. 

And, motherhood, just like the gemstone- is priceless. A jewel.