Does He Say Anything To You?

Recently, an older woman home maker asked me “Does your husband say anything to you?” Asking about house cleaning and cooking. 

You see, I had commented with the opinion that cleaning and cooking is a luxury for me. 

I run a business, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m an advocate and humanitarian- and mother to a 1 year old. If all of those realities are handled and cared for- I take time to clean and cook.

When my son takes his naps; I respond to emails, take business calls, catch up on my painting commissions, write curriculum for the classes I teach. Rarely, do I use that time for cleaning, cooking, or gardening.

(I’m currently writing this with one finger on my phone while he sits on my lap in my other arm- watching YouTube preschool videos)

Often, at the end of the day; my husband walks in from his long day at work and picks up our baby, making himself and the baby dinner while I head to my events or Art studio. 

Not once has my husband ever commented on the house being tidy or not. Not once has he complained that I didn’t have dinner ready. 

And… not once have I complained to him that he didn’t have the house clean or MY dinner ready. 

We BOTH bring in incomes. We are BOTH parenting equally. 

The emotional, nurturing care of our son is equally dependent on us both. So is our finances. 

I am a businesswoman and Mother. 

My husband is a businessman and Father.

We are both in charge of the house. 

Both in charge of childcare. 

Both in charge of the emotional well-being of our kids. 

We are both accountable for the success of our financial future and family. 

He doesn’t say anything to me and I don’t say anything to him-

Why?

We both know we are giving it our all. We BOTH know the challenges of being exhausted and hustling as we juggle childcare too.

When the dishes are high and laundry isn’t folded-that is secondary to checking in with our older kids and each other on family time and emotional connection. Especially after a long day. 

In so many ways it’s helped our relationship. We BOTH understand one another’s challenges; because we have similar ones. 

We also share advice and lessons with each other- about being entrepreneurs and being parents.

I learn from his masculine style of parenting and maybe he learns a little from my feminine way. 

I use feminine tactics and problem solving in my business and sales presentations and he is bold and a straight shooter. We understand each other’s worlds- because we have a similar paradigm.

It works for us. 

I personally believe in individual balance. Meaning; each person is whole. Each of us is 100% capable and willing to be 100% accountable for our sustenance in this life.

There’s an idea that men are supposed to be provider’s and women are the caretaker’s and nurturers. But if we adhere to this idealism; we limit the potential of one another. We sell out ourselves. Dads are as capable of being nurturing and emotionally supportive and Mom’s are equally capable of providing financially.

By doing this; neither of us is obligated, neither of us is dependent; every day is teamwork and a conscious choice to be together. 

I’m not saying this is how everyone should do it- but it works for us. 

No, he doesn’t nag me about the house and I don’t nag him.