George Floyd thoughts from a White Woman

Junior and I were walking down the streets one evening after an art festival in Salt Lake City, Utah, three years ago. 

Looking up at the historic buildings and architecture I dreamily imagined, “Wouldn’t it be amazing to time-travel to 100 years ago and see what this all looked like back then?”

His reply to me was: “100 years ago, we couldn’t walk down the street holding hands.”

I’m a white woman. Thoughts like that don’t cross my mind. Why should they? I’ve been raised in a white dominant society where it’s not common to see people of different skin color. Not having encountered racism on a personal level.

For me, when I see my husband’s beautiful chocolate colored skin, I don’t equate it to “less than or more than”- it’s just the way he is. 

In the beginning of our relationship, we sat in a crowded movie theatre. I can’t remember the movie- but I do remember when a dark-skinned actor coming into an early scene of the plot, Junior whispered into my ear with a grin: “Well, we know who’s gonna die first.” 

“NO…” I laughed quietly in disbelief.

He nodded knowingly. “Just watch. The brown guys are always the disposable character.”

I didn’t believe him. 

He was right.

It was a reality he grew up being aware of- not me.

Another time, driving to Southern Utah, we were pulled over.

“Were you speeding?” Junior asked from the passenger seat. “Barely.” I answered. 5 mph over the limit (less than I normally do.) 

The officer said hello. Checked BOTH our ID’s. Issued NO ticket and wished us a good day. 

That’s the FIRST time that had ever happened to me. But it WASN’T the first time for Junior. 

Is Racism real? Is prejudice REAL? 

I’m over 40. I was raised AFTER the major FIGHTS of racism in America. 

As a white person in a white dominated society, raised by a family who didn’t teach prejudice based on skin color- I ignorantly believed it was a problem of the past. 

Sure, I watched the Rodney King riots on TV. Sure, I heard of racial killings far away- but in my naivety, I assumed that was a tiny percentage of radicals.

Also, without those experiences with my NOW husband, I never really thought about it. 

Racism was just a chapter in American and World History.

Until the past few years, I wasn’t aware. I just lived in the bubble of “I’m not prejudice, the people I know aren’t prejudice, so I guess it’s not really that big of deal.”

But, over the past few years I began to notice when there were bi-racial couples on tv, in movies, or in magazines, and I found myself stating out loud “That’s so cool.”  Saying so, because I had unconsciously become aware that to see those couples was something uncommon. 

I also became aware that prejudice exists with all shades of skin color. Even when people are trying to do good.

During my recent pregnancy, I was publicly condemned online by a WHITE WOMAN who told me I didn’t have the right to be using SAGE for spiritual purposes (for those of you who don’t know, it is like incense. Not consciousness altering) she explained to me that I wasn’t the correct skin color to do so. 

In my irritation, my first response (the kind you write but then don’t send and delete) was “My baby inside is brown, can I use it til he’s born?”

She didn’t care or ask if I had any Native American heritage. She didn’t care that Sage has been used in European and Egyptian and Siberian spirituality for thousands of years as well as in the Americas. All of that was less important than the pigment of my skin.

In her effort to defend a different race, she was discriminating, based on appearance only. 

Years ago, while traveling in South America with a group of people, I was the only fair haired, blue eyed woman in our group.

Our guide explained to me carefully, “You cannot leave my side. You must be in my taxi, and don’t walk alone anywhere.” He apologetically continued “Our people are not bad people-just poor.” You see, as a white woman, I was a profitable kidnap victim or trafficking opportunity. Oh, okay. 

My human value=Skin color.

Just one more experience before I move on.

In the past year, it came to my attention that an employee casually said to her coworker: “I’m racist, I just don’t treat people differently because of it.”

(She’s no longer employed with us.)

With the senseless murder of George Floyd: the still burning coals of hundreds of years of oppression were set ablaze once again. 

The video and image of a white man in uniform with his knee crushing the neck of a prostrated black man; immediately became a symbol for hundreds of years of injustice; tearing off the tidy starched shirt that society had placed on our oppressive history to reveal the scarred and torn back of wounds not healed. 

And there is rage and violence and anger crying out collectively; “We are still in pain.” Yes, “we.”

Not white, black, brown, red, purple, green, blue…people. We. 

Our society is not healed, our systems are still not fair, inequality still festers. No, my skin isn’t pigmented darkly, my eyes are blue. And I haven’t lived a lifetime of subliminal messaging in media against people who look like me. And I AM ANGRY TOO. 

I am angry too at what has been done by the people who have SKIN LIKE ME. 

I am angry that I didn’t create this mess, but I am considered the villain in it.

I am angry that a MAN killed another MAN in a torturous way.

I am angry that other MEN in uniform stood by. 

I am angry that people grabbed their cell phones to make a video of the slaying instead of stopping the killing. 

I am angry that our establishments and governments are still imbalanced. 

I am angry that our president said he would be shooting the looting- threatening and DE-Valuing human life for stealing big screen TVs.

I am angry that people committing theft and other crimes are using the death of George Floyd as their excuse.

I am angry that our society is where we are today, and I feel helpless too.

I don’t consider myself prejudice, and also- I, like so many other fair skinned citizens want to stand and speak with our brothers and sisters who look differently than us and simply don’t know how.

Especially when we’re being condemned for trying.

With the eruption of violence across the globe in response the murder of George Floyd; many of us have voiced pleas for peace- including me. An accusation was swiftly thrown at me declaring I didn’t have the right to speak. After all; they pointed out- I’m white; “You don’t know what its like to fear for your family’s safety.” 

Another comment followed the online accusation: “Her husband and baby aren’t white.”

The answer was direct. “It doesn’t count, they aren’t black.”

And so, we continue forward; people STILL drawing lines in the sand based on skin pigmentation. Still comparing levels of discrimination.

Skin color.

And here’s the irony:

The officer who killed George Floyd hasn’t spoken. 

The image of white man and black man rocketed across the world, and the MEDIA told us the murder was based on race. WE decided it was race. 

THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHY GEORGE FLOYD WAS KILLED- is the KILLER.

HE knows why he did what he did. 

WE don’t. 

The people who stood by know why they didn’t stop it. 

WE don’t. 

And, with that being said: the statistics and science and facts are real. People killed by government sanctioned officers and employees is undeniably out of favor for anyone with darker skin tone.

When I heard the news of George Floyd, when I saw the out lash blazing over social media, witnessed the speed that a mob could form and polarized sides begin throwing hate towards one another I couldn’t help hear a voice inside my head echo the question “Why does the word black need to be in the headline?”

BLACK MAN KILLED.

WHY are we STILL using the adjective to describe a human being?

A MAN was killed unjustly. 

A MAN like hundreds, and thousands of men. WOMEN. CHILDREN. Was killed unjustly.

Why are we saying the word “Black” as if that explains it? 

Why do we use the word to classify a human being?

What are we conveying when we feel it important to clarify what his skin looked like?

By doing so, does it imply he is less than another?

Does is imply this is understandable?

Does this automatically mean this was a HATE crime?

And when we say: He was killed because he was BLACK- it puts part of the reason on George. After all, if he wasn’t Black, would he be alive?

It’s Hate that kills.
It’s the murderer who kills.
It’s the one with the knee on the neck.
Not the color of human beneath it. 

And by all appearances, from the images being brandished online… it appears that he was killed because of the way he looks. I can’t ignore that, and I can’t excuse it. 

TOOOOOOO many black men, women and children have been targeted, dismissed, ignored, and terrorized over history and so I’m not making this point to diminish their story or reality.

I’m not saying don’t use the term “black” to erase their plight or story.

 But THIS is the lesson I want my children to learn:

Someone equal, valuable, and of human merit was killed because he looks different.

Not because he’s black. Because being black isn’t a reason. SAYING he was killed because he was black would give my kids a sense of safety and separation. 

It would give them the subconscious idea that “I’m safe, because I’m not black.” And that’s not true.

When we tolerate killing of anyone because they look different- then no one is safe. 

Within days of George’s death; we, as a nation, were in outcry and chaos. 

People took to the streets in peaceful protest, marches upon state and national capitols began, communities and petitions gathered. Vigils were held.

And…. like the poisonous snake hidden in the grass- extremists slithered into the midst. 

Taking from George the way that extremists always have … using his memory- his injustice, his death and loss for their OWN GAIN.

Using the pain and hurt of a nation, the raw vulnerability of a triggered society- to twist the headlines and news for their own agendas. For views.

Protesting the violence inflicted upon George Floyd- violence ensued. 

Protesting the officer who chose to take the Law into his own hands and deliver personal justice upon George Floyd- rioters took the law into their own hands; delivering their personal justice upon society in response.

Videos of mobs looting, and damaging property, big and small business, public halls, historic buildings, and police vehicles and precincts were under attack.

Fueled by JUSTIFIED anger; rioters inflicted damage where and how they could. 

Casting sentence upon society; our society.

Inflicting violence upon the whole system who represented a murderer in uniform.

Reminding me of the officer that murdered ONE who represented a whole race.

Our president, who to many, represents the elite and privileged white man simultaneously threatened China in a press conference while activating our US army against rioting citizens. Overthrowing the decisions of Governors who opted out of assistance; sending troops anyway. 

Meanwhile our own citizens are engaging in violence against fellow citizens. People who may or may not be prejudice and certainly aren’t the officer who killed George Floyd. 

Small family owned businesses who barely survived the Covid 19 Shutdown who fought to keep their doors and commerce open after financial beatings- now find their businesses ravaged and raped by rioters who are fighting for a “just cause.”

Business owners of ALL race and skin color are under attack. Windows are broken. Property is stolen. 

Millennials who have lived their entire lives wanting to stand for something- to be part of a great revolution, make history; (and have one million Instagram followers;) are marching down the street; replicating and emulating the historical images they grew up seeing of Martin Luther King Jr. protests. Throwing bricks at Nordstrom and Starbucks, spray-painting city buildings; “kill the cops.” 

Lawyers are vying to represent George Floyd’s case- because with video footage and global backlash it’s a case to win. They’ll sue the individual, the police, the state government, and national government. Cashing out millions from the tragedy (and doing a little good for equality awareness along the way.)The money will be paid… from taxes. 

Property damage suits will be filed. Insurance claims will be submitted. And MILLIONS of more money will be funded… from taxes, from us. 

From a society already hurting.

The funding will be reallocated from “optional” tax programs such as the ones that give scholarships to underprivileged kids, or grants for small businesses in struggling communities. 

The money won’t be taken from programs for the elite. It will come from the “little guy” it will come from the subculture societies and are disposable: you know, the ones you see in movies. 

George Floyd’s family will receive (justly so) as will a small handful of injured people. 

But those who will make the greatest return for the pain and racial injustice still occurring; are those who always do. The elite. And those who can get enough YouTube views.

How do we, the “common” people, the in between- the people who are horrified with the killing and also in disagreement with damaging society change things?

How does a woman like me, address this?

The only way possible.

With my voice. My own circle. 

I sat yesterday with 3 friends.

All four of us have bi-racial children or grandchildren.

We shared our truths together, seeking to learn and listen from one another. Sharing how we are teaching our own posterity to have not just tolerance, but acceptance and gratitude for ALL people. It’s important too, that we don’t let the stories of the past disappear, to share them with our children as well as acknowledge the changes that ARE here. That believe it or not, we ARE making progress. 

100 years ago, marrying my husband wasn’t an option. 

To SEE beyond what an issue is on the surface and look deeper.

To ask the questions instead of being spoon fed what the media and social platforms use for their own ratings.

As I have stated, I don’t support RIOTERS. I don’t support harming those who didn’t do the crime- I don’t believe in using ANGER as a justification to commit crimes. 

But I also recognize that rioting is the language of those who don’t feel heard, those who don’t know how to convey their message in any other way.

And I hope I can teach my own children to speak and deliver their message in a way that CREATES peace- not CHAOS.

And, I remove adjectives that describe humans in segregation. That we are humans. While still acknowledging we come in different skin tones, and validating the anger and pain from history, but without pointing fingers or blaming, while accepting that as a white person with white privilege; I will always be accountable for what my race has done and does. 

Truth without accusation. 

A MAN was KILLED unjustly by another Man.

He deserved better. 

We deserve better.

Only we can make it better.

One by one.