It's not Death, but Pain we are Afraid Of Covid
Covid is here.
As a world, we are on lockdown.
The law of Natural Selection is rampaging humanity, and we are being humbled.
Regardless of race, religion, or bank account- we are realizing the fragility of life and the blessing it is. We are learning that LIFE is no guarantee and that the person we love and adore the most can be abruptly taken into the realm beyond within days.
With all our technology and "progress," while we are able to save many- we aren't able to save all.
In modern world, we are lucky enough to have cleaning supplies, clean water, medical technology and ventilators.
We are also seeing the gaps in self sufficiency of our society.
I, myself, am facing the mirror of what my abilities are as a mother, wife, woman... asking the questions "What are my capabilities?" "What is the strength and dynamics of my marriage? My relationship with my kids? My friends?"
I am asking "Could I survive without power, water on tap, food at the grocery store?"
I am witnessing my coping strategies... where my emotional and mental health is. I thought I was pretty far along the road of self awareness and yet, here we are in isolation and facing those inner workings of my mind and psyche that I can't avoid with overworking or career or social distractions.
This is a powerful time for all of us.
It's challenging.
A few weeks ago; in the middle of social lockdown and turmoil a significant anniversary passed for me.
The 17th anniversary of my son's death.
I usually post a remembrance. I usually visit his grave.
I didn't do either of those.
I have been contemplating what to say as I have been observing from my little corner of the sofa what is happening in the world outside and considering what to give and say about it.
It's this:
On a soul level- we are not afraid of Death.
On a human level- we are afraid of Suffering.
Whatever you have been conditioned to believe- I am here to tell you:
The afterlife is not scary.
You will not be separated from your family and loved ones.
Your place on the map of eternity is not fixed with a pin because of the way you lived during this tiny speck of a lifetime.
The whole of your existence does not weigh on the choices you make here; coming in blind through the veil. (Some of us set up better or worse to survive it.)
This LIFE is about expansion and evolving, growing, understanding, developing compassion and awareness of the WHOLE.
We are a drop in the ocean and while we are absolutely our own little sparkle of water- we are also part of something greater.
The day I stood with my 3x5 card at the podium and spoke at my young son's funeral; I remember saying the effect of these words:
"I love my son. As a mother, I will miss him more than I can express or perhaps live through- but as a mother, I can't wish for things to be different. To take him away from a place where I know he is embraced, protected, and cherished in arms more capable than mine."
And then....
I embarked upon this journey of living with the staggering pain of loss.
For 17 years I have walked step by step along this road and as I witness the world in FEAR, I am choosing to offer the words and lessons I have learned and continue to learn.
Death is something we "think" happens to other people.
Death is something we have a vague awareness of, but associate it with being distant and at the end of our days after a long life.
Death is like fog.
Once death has come into your life though on an intimate level- you learn the truth of it.
Death is at your front and back door.
Death is in your home.
Death is your constant companion.
Death is our guarantee; given to us the day we were born.
LIVING, is the question- Death is the certainty.
I'm not romantic or a doomsday-er.
When we realize that Death is not something "out there" but here with us now. Not stalking us as if we are prey- but that it is a cycle we are inherently part of- SUDDENLY, we stop taking our lives for granted.
We stop being afraid of it.
We reverence the miracle of LIFE that LIFE is.
We recognize the GIFT that LOVING someone and being LOVED is.
My son was healthy.
He passed away in a 10 hour window of time.
I don't take my children for granted.
I don't assume they are "mine" I KNOW they belong to GOD.
I KNOW that no one is given to us- but that they are CHILDREN of Heaven and Heaven is their home.
This little Earth is only a temporary visit- and we HOPE that it is 100 years.
We HOPE we get 100 years to LOVE and experience a person.
We HOPE to get 100 years to be LOVED and live.
But HOME isn't here.
And yet; when I think of Death- yes I am afraid.
I am afraid of the pain of loss.
I am afraid of losing another person as close as my son.
I am afraid of seeing them suffer and living on without them.
So, in a way; it's selfish.
A few years ago, I had complications after a surgery.
I was afraid of leaving my children behind with loss.
I was afraid of their suffering without a mother.
After my youngest son was born a few weeks ago; I had some days of recovery that were challenging.
My fever spiked and I shook as if I was having seizures.
One late night, Junior paced the floor back and forth holding the baby screaming. I watched him as he watched me shaking; and we were both afraid.
Our human fear is of SUFFERING.
Watching the "pandemic" on the news, there is a permeating FEAR.
Our government officials are touting "Saving Lives" and pointing fingers at who is to blame.
Life is bigger than that.
I went to the store on Friday; early morning.
I witnessed shoppers dressed in head to toe safety gear, gloves, masks, glasses.
I saw young children holding the hand of their mother as they watched those "pandemic"people pass by and I wondered what the children thought.
I wondered if we are passing down the disease of FEAR to them.
We have BOUGHT into the lie that we have control over this life.
We don't.
We have BOUGHT into the lie that if we wear our seatbelts, live healthy, take every precaution- that we have CONTROL over life and death... and we simply DON'T.
It's important to do our best.
It's important to wash our hands and isolate as best last we can to waylay the spread of a virus... but NOT with the idea that we can OUTSMART Death or run and hide from it.
Do it because you have reverence for the gift that LIFE is.
For the MIRACLE that LIFE is.
AND the MOST important way to HONOR LIFE- is to LIVE in LOVE.
To give gratitude and encouragement and thanks to our LOVED ones.
To treat each other with KINDNESS.
To look into our Lover's eyes, our Friend's eyes, our Children's, our Family's eyes and CONNECT- to speak the words of LOVE without holding back- LOVING without attachment.
To forgive; to trust, to hug, to listen.
The IRONY is- that when we withhold any of these things: we SUFFER already.
The ONLY thing we have CONTROL over- is how we engage with OTHERS.
How we LOVE and if we CHOOSE to.
Aho.
As a world, we are on lockdown.
The law of Natural Selection is rampaging humanity, and we are being humbled.
Regardless of race, religion, or bank account- we are realizing the fragility of life and the blessing it is. We are learning that LIFE is no guarantee and that the person we love and adore the most can be abruptly taken into the realm beyond within days.
With all our technology and "progress," while we are able to save many- we aren't able to save all.
In modern world, we are lucky enough to have cleaning supplies, clean water, medical technology and ventilators.
We are also seeing the gaps in self sufficiency of our society.
I, myself, am facing the mirror of what my abilities are as a mother, wife, woman... asking the questions "What are my capabilities?" "What is the strength and dynamics of my marriage? My relationship with my kids? My friends?"
I am asking "Could I survive without power, water on tap, food at the grocery store?"
I am witnessing my coping strategies... where my emotional and mental health is. I thought I was pretty far along the road of self awareness and yet, here we are in isolation and facing those inner workings of my mind and psyche that I can't avoid with overworking or career or social distractions.
This is a powerful time for all of us.
It's challenging.
A few weeks ago; in the middle of social lockdown and turmoil a significant anniversary passed for me.
The 17th anniversary of my son's death.
I usually post a remembrance. I usually visit his grave.
I didn't do either of those.
I have been contemplating what to say as I have been observing from my little corner of the sofa what is happening in the world outside and considering what to give and say about it.
It's this:
On a soul level- we are not afraid of Death.
On a human level- we are afraid of Suffering.
Whatever you have been conditioned to believe- I am here to tell you:
The afterlife is not scary.
You will not be separated from your family and loved ones.
Your place on the map of eternity is not fixed with a pin because of the way you lived during this tiny speck of a lifetime.
The whole of your existence does not weigh on the choices you make here; coming in blind through the veil. (Some of us set up better or worse to survive it.)
This LIFE is about expansion and evolving, growing, understanding, developing compassion and awareness of the WHOLE.
We are a drop in the ocean and while we are absolutely our own little sparkle of water- we are also part of something greater.
The day I stood with my 3x5 card at the podium and spoke at my young son's funeral; I remember saying the effect of these words:
"I love my son. As a mother, I will miss him more than I can express or perhaps live through- but as a mother, I can't wish for things to be different. To take him away from a place where I know he is embraced, protected, and cherished in arms more capable than mine."
And then....
I embarked upon this journey of living with the staggering pain of loss.
For 17 years I have walked step by step along this road and as I witness the world in FEAR, I am choosing to offer the words and lessons I have learned and continue to learn.
Death is something we "think" happens to other people.
Death is something we have a vague awareness of, but associate it with being distant and at the end of our days after a long life.
Death is like fog.
Once death has come into your life though on an intimate level- you learn the truth of it.
Death is at your front and back door.
Death is in your home.
Death is your constant companion.
Death is our guarantee; given to us the day we were born.
LIVING, is the question- Death is the certainty.
I'm not romantic or a doomsday-er.
When we realize that Death is not something "out there" but here with us now. Not stalking us as if we are prey- but that it is a cycle we are inherently part of- SUDDENLY, we stop taking our lives for granted.
We stop being afraid of it.
We reverence the miracle of LIFE that LIFE is.
We recognize the GIFT that LOVING someone and being LOVED is.
My son was healthy.
He passed away in a 10 hour window of time.
I don't take my children for granted.
I don't assume they are "mine" I KNOW they belong to GOD.
I KNOW that no one is given to us- but that they are CHILDREN of Heaven and Heaven is their home.
This little Earth is only a temporary visit- and we HOPE that it is 100 years.
We HOPE we get 100 years to LOVE and experience a person.
We HOPE to get 100 years to be LOVED and live.
But HOME isn't here.
And yet; when I think of Death- yes I am afraid.
I am afraid of the pain of loss.
I am afraid of losing another person as close as my son.
I am afraid of seeing them suffer and living on without them.
So, in a way; it's selfish.
A few years ago, I had complications after a surgery.
I was afraid of leaving my children behind with loss.
I was afraid of their suffering without a mother.
After my youngest son was born a few weeks ago; I had some days of recovery that were challenging.
My fever spiked and I shook as if I was having seizures.
One late night, Junior paced the floor back and forth holding the baby screaming. I watched him as he watched me shaking; and we were both afraid.
Our human fear is of SUFFERING.
Watching the "pandemic" on the news, there is a permeating FEAR.
Our government officials are touting "Saving Lives" and pointing fingers at who is to blame.
Life is bigger than that.
I went to the store on Friday; early morning.
I witnessed shoppers dressed in head to toe safety gear, gloves, masks, glasses.
I saw young children holding the hand of their mother as they watched those "pandemic"people pass by and I wondered what the children thought.
I wondered if we are passing down the disease of FEAR to them.
We have BOUGHT into the lie that we have control over this life.
We don't.
We have BOUGHT into the lie that if we wear our seatbelts, live healthy, take every precaution- that we have CONTROL over life and death... and we simply DON'T.
It's important to do our best.
It's important to wash our hands and isolate as best last we can to waylay the spread of a virus... but NOT with the idea that we can OUTSMART Death or run and hide from it.
Do it because you have reverence for the gift that LIFE is.
For the MIRACLE that LIFE is.
AND the MOST important way to HONOR LIFE- is to LIVE in LOVE.
To give gratitude and encouragement and thanks to our LOVED ones.
To treat each other with KINDNESS.
To look into our Lover's eyes, our Friend's eyes, our Children's, our Family's eyes and CONNECT- to speak the words of LOVE without holding back- LOVING without attachment.
To forgive; to trust, to hug, to listen.
The IRONY is- that when we withhold any of these things: we SUFFER already.
The ONLY thing we have CONTROL over- is how we engage with OTHERS.
How we LOVE and if we CHOOSE to.
Aho.
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