You're Not a Dog Mom
People are going to hate me for this.
Have you ever heard of the phrase "Dog Mom?"
People lovingly use this phrase to describe the way they feel about their pets.
I recently had a woman use this phrase to me (as I was in late term pregnancy with my 5th child)
"I know what it's like- I have 2 dogs; so it's like having kids!"
The funny thing is...
she was the second woman to say it during my pregnancy.
Funnier yet- was dog owners sharing “parenting” tips with me that they felt were “applicable” because they had a puppy who was going through “the same thing.”
Uuuuuuummmm. No.
Insert the song by Megan Trainer here titled "NO."
It's not like having kids.
Here's why:
My baby came OUT of my body.
He grew inside my body- ruled what I ate, when I slept, how much I weighed, how far I walked, and changed how high my boobs ride on my torso.... Not a dog.
I didn't pick him through a window or breeder.
None of you needed STITCHES because of your dog’s birth.
When you “adopted” your dog, was it thousands of dollars? Did you need an attorney? Did you have to go through an agency or prove yourself qualified? Did the dog choose whether or not to have an “open” adoption with you?
Not usually.
Right now I have a newborn and two sons at home.
I am getting NO SLEEP.
I wouldn’t even consider putting my new baby in a crate, in the heated garage with a chew toy so I could “catch up” on a few hours of sleep.
Today, I carpooled my 16 year old to school at 6:30 am and have school fees of roughly $450 to pay for his "privilege to go to high school.
Last night, I shopped for "formal wear" for my 11 year old son because he's going to the State Capitol for a field trip.
Two weeks ago- I met with my son's teacher to discuss his school performance.
Yesterday, I online shopped (God Bless Amazon Prime) for an astronaut costume that he needs to wear AFTER HOURS for a school WAX museum where he is assigned to be Neil Armstrong.
This morning- I wrote a check to the school for lunches.
Weekly, I am in communication with my son's dad about them, their social lives, their responsibilities, their friends, their grades and more.
While there HAVE BEEN TIMES I may have wanted to... I have NEVER put a shock collar on my kids when they just WOULD NOT be quiet.
I have NEVER put them in a crate for the day or night because they peed on the floor.
There is NOTHING... NOTHING.... NOTHING more important to me than protecting my children, making sure they feel loved, teaching them about boundaries and responsibility and growing up to be accountable adults... WHO will outlive me. Not pets... (unless maybe you have a turtle or parrot...)
Right now... I'm pausing from typing because my newborn JUST blew out of his diaper... which woke him up from his nap and he's crying... because newborns want to breast feed every 2 hours... Oh... side note.... your children FEED FROM YOUR BODY... not a dog bowl.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
HEY... I'm back to typing!
I know this can read a little bitchy- I don't mean it like that.
I have compassion for you people, who need to quantify your love for your pet by calling them "children." But, it's REALLY ok for you to just accept that dogs and kids are not in the same ballpark or continent... while perhaps on the same planet.
I’m really intending to highlight the hilarity of the idea that parenting kids and pets is the same.
I have an AWESOME dog, her name is Penny.
OHMYGOSH- we LOVE Penny.
But, when I leave for work- she stays at home.
It's NOT illegal for me to leave her at home... alone... unsupervised... for 8 hours.
Day after Day... I feed PENNY- the SAME THING!!!
She has NEVER thrown herself on the floor and thrown a tantrum over her food. NEVER.
EVERY DAY- I fill her dog bowl and she LOVES me for it!
My toddlers... nope.
Not the same.
Entertaining Penny is about $1.36.
It's a tennis ball.
And... she will fetch for HOURS.
Entertaining kids.... OHMYGOSH.
Baby mobiles, game systems, board games, family vacations, books, dvds, cds, internet subscriptions, after school programs, guitar lessons, checking in to make sure they have "good" friends... etc.
Penny needs a dog bed, tennis ball, and $30 of dog food a month.
Kids need beds, clothes, healthy diets, quality time, interaction and thoughtful conversations, doctors visits, vitamins, examples of ethics and values and challenges with triumphs, etc.
Dogs are a decade- or two- ish commitment.
Kids are a forever multi lifetime commitment.
(Trust me, you'll be haunting them- just like I plan to; long after I'm gone)
If the KGB breaks down your door and forces you to choose between your kid and your pet... the choice will NEVER be FOO FOO FIDO SCRUMPTIOUS over your own flesh and blood child.
I have NEVER stayed up at night troubled by the emotional heartache of a dog.
NEVER spent countless hours with my dog taking them to counselors or therapy.
I have never been caught watching poorly performed class plays where my dog played the role as a tree.
(And gave a standing ovation.)
I guess the point I'm making is that while we LOVE our pets- we are in a different relationship with them.
It's ALWAYS ok to dress them up for Christmas and Halloween, to show them off and to love them and adore them and tote them around.
Talk baby talk to them, let them sleep in your bed and buy bedazzled collars for them... but please oh please DON'T think that because you do... it's like having a kid.
OH, AND HEY.... TRUE STORY...
The little guy- just blew out of his diaper.... AGAIN!
:)
Have a great day!
Have you ever heard of the phrase "Dog Mom?"
People lovingly use this phrase to describe the way they feel about their pets.
I recently had a woman use this phrase to me (as I was in late term pregnancy with my 5th child)
"I know what it's like- I have 2 dogs; so it's like having kids!"
The funny thing is...
she was the second woman to say it during my pregnancy.
Funnier yet- was dog owners sharing “parenting” tips with me that they felt were “applicable” because they had a puppy who was going through “the same thing.”
Uuuuuuummmm. No.
Insert the song by Megan Trainer here titled "NO."
It's not like having kids.
Here's why:
My baby came OUT of my body.
He grew inside my body- ruled what I ate, when I slept, how much I weighed, how far I walked, and changed how high my boobs ride on my torso.... Not a dog.
I didn't pick him through a window or breeder.
None of you needed STITCHES because of your dog’s birth.
When you “adopted” your dog, was it thousands of dollars? Did you need an attorney? Did you have to go through an agency or prove yourself qualified? Did the dog choose whether or not to have an “open” adoption with you?
Not usually.
Right now I have a newborn and two sons at home.
I am getting NO SLEEP.
I wouldn’t even consider putting my new baby in a crate, in the heated garage with a chew toy so I could “catch up” on a few hours of sleep.
Today, I carpooled my 16 year old to school at 6:30 am and have school fees of roughly $450 to pay for his "privilege to go to high school.
Last night, I shopped for "formal wear" for my 11 year old son because he's going to the State Capitol for a field trip.
Two weeks ago- I met with my son's teacher to discuss his school performance.
Yesterday, I online shopped (God Bless Amazon Prime) for an astronaut costume that he needs to wear AFTER HOURS for a school WAX museum where he is assigned to be Neil Armstrong.
This morning- I wrote a check to the school for lunches.
Weekly, I am in communication with my son's dad about them, their social lives, their responsibilities, their friends, their grades and more.
While there HAVE BEEN TIMES I may have wanted to... I have NEVER put a shock collar on my kids when they just WOULD NOT be quiet.
I have NEVER put them in a crate for the day or night because they peed on the floor.
There is NOTHING... NOTHING.... NOTHING more important to me than protecting my children, making sure they feel loved, teaching them about boundaries and responsibility and growing up to be accountable adults... WHO will outlive me. Not pets... (unless maybe you have a turtle or parrot...)
Right now... I'm pausing from typing because my newborn JUST blew out of his diaper... which woke him up from his nap and he's crying... because newborns want to breast feed every 2 hours... Oh... side note.... your children FEED FROM YOUR BODY... not a dog bowl.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
HEY... I'm back to typing!
I know this can read a little bitchy- I don't mean it like that.
I have compassion for you people, who need to quantify your love for your pet by calling them "children." But, it's REALLY ok for you to just accept that dogs and kids are not in the same ballpark or continent... while perhaps on the same planet.
I’m really intending to highlight the hilarity of the idea that parenting kids and pets is the same.
I have an AWESOME dog, her name is Penny.
OHMYGOSH- we LOVE Penny.
But, when I leave for work- she stays at home.
It's NOT illegal for me to leave her at home... alone... unsupervised... for 8 hours.
Day after Day... I feed PENNY- the SAME THING!!!
She has NEVER thrown herself on the floor and thrown a tantrum over her food. NEVER.
EVERY DAY- I fill her dog bowl and she LOVES me for it!
My toddlers... nope.
Not the same.
Entertaining Penny is about $1.36.
It's a tennis ball.
And... she will fetch for HOURS.
Entertaining kids.... OHMYGOSH.
Baby mobiles, game systems, board games, family vacations, books, dvds, cds, internet subscriptions, after school programs, guitar lessons, checking in to make sure they have "good" friends... etc.
Penny needs a dog bed, tennis ball, and $30 of dog food a month.
Kids need beds, clothes, healthy diets, quality time, interaction and thoughtful conversations, doctors visits, vitamins, examples of ethics and values and challenges with triumphs, etc.
Dogs are a decade- or two- ish commitment.
Kids are a forever multi lifetime commitment.
(Trust me, you'll be haunting them- just like I plan to; long after I'm gone)
If the KGB breaks down your door and forces you to choose between your kid and your pet... the choice will NEVER be FOO FOO FIDO SCRUMPTIOUS over your own flesh and blood child.
I have NEVER stayed up at night troubled by the emotional heartache of a dog.
NEVER spent countless hours with my dog taking them to counselors or therapy.
I have never been caught watching poorly performed class plays where my dog played the role as a tree.
(And gave a standing ovation.)
I guess the point I'm making is that while we LOVE our pets- we are in a different relationship with them.
It's ALWAYS ok to dress them up for Christmas and Halloween, to show them off and to love them and adore them and tote them around.
Talk baby talk to them, let them sleep in your bed and buy bedazzled collars for them... but please oh please DON'T think that because you do... it's like having a kid.
OH, AND HEY.... TRUE STORY...
The little guy- just blew out of his diaper.... AGAIN!
:)
Have a great day!
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